“You don’t have a son anymore!” Those angry words are shouted through the phone, followed by the silence of a severed connection. Somewhere your adult child severed more than just a phone link. He wants you out of his life, forever. Or maybe you’re the… Read more
All posts filed under “Parents and Disappointment”
Speak now or forever hold your peace?
Romeo and Juliet is more than a Shakespearean tragedy about teen lovers trying to break free of their oppressive parents. It is a phenomenon recognized by some social scientists as “the Romeo and Juliet effect:” Johnny and Jane fall in “love;” their parents say, “over… Read more
My son the doctor (or maybe the “virtual social influencer”)
This is your idea of a career for your 20-something child – doctor, lawyer, engineer, teacher. This is their idea of a job – a flex-hours position doing something you’ve never heard of in some hipster-run company in California where every day is casual Friday, the… Read more
Saint or Sinner? The addicted child.
The scrapbook of Danny’s life tells one side of his story – Eagle Scout, mountaineer, gymnast, Mormon missionary, soldier, favorite uncle, friend, brother. And then a casket carried by father and siblings to a grave in a military cemetery when he was just 27, dead from… Read more
A murder in Texas
This is us on our 21st Anniversary trip – the weekend we met the murderer, and the weekend we saw the redemption of a parent’s worst nightmare. My husband Paul prides himself on choosing funky hotels to celebrate our anniversary. There was the “castle” in… Read more
Are you giving your black sheep a baaad rap?
Sheep get no respect. Nobody wants a child to turn out to be the “lost sheep” or the “black sheep.” It’s time to take a broader look at these misunderstood mammals, and at your adult children who fit the description. You may have been wrong… Read more
When you need a parental do-over
There they stood, a father who had expected more maturity than his son possessed, and a 17-year-old boy with a hangover trying to figure out what happened. “Sure, I let him have a few drinks with me at home,” the father said to me. “But… Read more
Leaving the Faith Part 3
If your adult child has left your faith, and their choice is keeping you up at night, it’s time to take the focus off of them and find support for yourself. In two recent blog posts I addressed several possible reasons children leave the church… Read more
You had a plan for your child? How amusing.
Expectations are the seeds of disappointment. Yes, those lofty goals you set for your baby fresh out of the womb may be the reason you are kicking yourself 20 plus years later: “My son the doctor.” “My daughter the astronaut.” Even your most modest dreams… Read more
Leaving the faith
If your adult child has left the church in which you raised them, you join an ever growing community of parents trying to figure out why. Parents who feel a strong connection to their faith wonder why they didn’t pass that on to their children.… Read more